When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we're so committed to being not committed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
