ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize