It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
