What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
