Jerry, you need to find god
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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