the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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