I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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