And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
