woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
