OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
