I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You work out of a Hotel?
I smell stomach acid.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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