I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dicks are not precious.
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