I'm jealous of your bromance
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
