My friends, they love my intelligence
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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