I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
