i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
