Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
