if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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