I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
