Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
