he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
