so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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