Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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