So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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