but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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