no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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