and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
