thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
