i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
