I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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