This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
