Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love you.
Bad choice
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
