Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
