i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
