So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He? As in you personified your dick?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i now understand why vodka
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
