I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Randomize
