Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
