onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
