So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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