wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
