did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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