he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize