What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
