Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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