This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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