Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
