You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
