Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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