dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
