the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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