where am i from again
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize