It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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