U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
