real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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