people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
