I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
