i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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