I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
