White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
