he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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