you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
