I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
