you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
