can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
