If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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