THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
