I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
