no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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