are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
