I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
