Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
