Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
