she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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