My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Will exercising make me less horny?
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