considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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