i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
