I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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