I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
