some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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