It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
