Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
