4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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