are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
