Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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