see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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