You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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