My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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