i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
