i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
