It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
