I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
