I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
