things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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