I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize