She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
