i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
