why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
