Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
